There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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