a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
