Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
