He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
