Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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