and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
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