she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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