he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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