In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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