he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
