I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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