Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
