dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
