hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
