I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
my being single is dangerous.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I currently don't understand fingers.
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