I hate all girls vehemently.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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