New invention idea: vibrating tampons
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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