It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
