Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
