I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
