You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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