this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
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He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
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Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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