thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize
