you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
is it fun? or sober?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
