Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
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And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
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He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
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