u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
