I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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