I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
