I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
