I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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