Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
