you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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