my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
