and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
