you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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