So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
