I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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