I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
