I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Randomize
