Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
You took a bar mat shot.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Randomize
