i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
