apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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