So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Randomize
