I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
