Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
