Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
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So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
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Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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