I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
