Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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