That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
You were trust falling into bushes
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
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