Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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