I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Randomize
