How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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