I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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