I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
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so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
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If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
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