I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
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