thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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