the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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