i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Randomize
