you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
