She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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