I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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