All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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