ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
