I hate all girls vehemently.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
