So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Randomize
