her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
