Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
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