There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
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