in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
