And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
