Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
