What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
